Something Between Us
by Sophie Ranier
Summary: There are things between them, an ocean, a bulging stomach, an attraction, that they just can't control. And then of course there's the marriage. Tiva. McAbby.
1. A Wedding

**Well now that DCE is done, I'm starting a new story. Yes, I know, I still have to finish Healing is a Process, and I will. But I wanted to get a chapter or two of this one.**

**I've decided to put Motherhood on Hiatus, I just have no inspiration left for that one and I would hate to give you something that I put no effort into. But, as a makeup for Motherhood, I'm giving you another Tiva baby fic. Its a lot different than Motherhood and will (hopefully) be a little more in character.**

**As a little teaser, I'm labeling this 'eventual tiva'**

**And theres McAbby in it too. But its a weird McAbby, complicated and will all be explained.**

**Okay, without further delay, the first chapter of my story.**

* * *

Abby lets out a soft sigh as she looks at her reflection in the full length mirror that stands before her. Combing her black-nailed fingers through her low pigtails, she tilts her head to the right, staring unsurely at the image that lies before her.

Yes, Abigail Sciuto is in a wedding dress.

Its her mother's, with an extra, longer skirt added because of her height difference. Its a simple, pure white dress, covered in soft fabric that holds a tight fit around her breasts and flows the rest of the way down to her ankles. The material around her chest forms a crisscross pattern that makes its way up and over her shoulders; the sleeves cover both her shoulders entirely. And her pigtails are held in place by two curled ribbons each; one black, one white.

She is tempted to pinch herself again, but as she looks down to her ivory toned wrist she sees a small red mark and remembers she pinched it too hard last time.

She fixes her bangs and moves her hand slowly down to the silver spider pedant in the front of the thick black ribbon Ziva suggested she use as a choker. The metal is cold against the touch of her finger, but the slight shiver relaxes her.

She turns around just in time to hear a soft knock at the door and she's praying its Ziva; she could really use a hug right now.

But at this moment, its even better.

"Well if McGee gets cold feet, _I _might just have to marry you."

"Tony!" she squeals, rushing towards him, latching her arms around his neck. He's caught off balance momentarily and they begin to sway side to side, but as soon as he has them steady he returns the hug, digging his head into her neck and kissing her shoulder softly. "I missed you so much." she makes out as best she can, seeing as half her lips are pressed against the bottom of his ear.

She releases him from her loving death grip but still has his hands clasped in hers. Her entire face is lit up with glee as she speaks and Tony feels kinda like Santa right now. "I thought you wouldn't make it! I can't believe I doubted you. I promise, it will never happen again." she speaks faster than usual and she hardly finishes her sentence before she engulfs him in another tight embrace.

"I could never miss a golden opportunity to embarrass McGee when I give my best man speech." he smiles. "Didja get my post cards?"

"Only every single one of them! I can't wait to come visit you. Rota looks amazing."

"Maybe when I get a little more settled in, I've only been gone 4 months." She notices his subtle glances towards the back room. The light it bright and he can see _her_ shadow moving against the wall.

"She's changing." Abby makes it clear she's caught on. He meets her eyes, giving her a smile, covering up his embarrassment. "She hasn't called you about anything, has she?" she asks with curious eyes.

"We email...sometimes. I saw her in MTAC last month." he hides his sadness.

"She misses you. I know she won't say it, but she does." Abby assures him, rubbing her hand up and down his shoulder comfortingly.

He twitches a smile. "You really do look beautiful Abs." he says softly, causing a smile to form from her lips.

"You know...its not an exclusive marriage..." she teases, her index and middle finger walking up his arm in mock seduction.

"I hope I am not interrupting anything." her voice makes his pupils dilate.

He turns his head towards the door frame to the back dressing room, finding her slim frame leaning against it, that gorgeous smirk plastered proudly on her face.

Abby laughs, patting Tony on the chest before returning to the vanity to reapply her cherry red lipstick.

His eyes oh-so-unsubtly inspect her and she mirrors his stares. Its only been four months, he doesn't expect much. Her dark red bridesmaid dress flows elegantly, but does not stick to her body in any place but her chest, which is exactly what she wanted, and needed. And he hates being a pig and noticing, but her breasts are definitely somewhat larger and her straps are doing the best they could to hold them firmly in her dress. He directs his attention to her face as she crosses her arms in front of her chest. Her loose curls frame her face, but there is one loose strand he wants so bad to push back behind her ear.

She too looks him over and find he hasn't changed much either. The Rota sun has done good to his skin, giving it another bronze layer, but it is not overbearing. His face is freshly shaven and his hair is neatly parted to the opposite side that usual.

He shines an infamous smile her way and she hasn't let her smirk drop.

"Hey." he grins.

She purses her lips and walks towards him, his eyes growing brighter. Her arms are still crossed tight in front of her chest and she brushes past him, shoulder grazing shoulder. She makes her way towards the vanity where Abby is and tucks the loose strand behind her ear. Abby's eyes meets hers in the mirror and the bride to be gives her a knowing look. Ziva merely shakes her head in response.

"Shouldn't you be making sure McGee is not having a panic attack?" Ziva asks playfully as she turns around, meeting his gaze once again.

"I missed you." he informs her as she closes in on him. And in an instant, her hand is wrapped softly around his arm.

"I missed you too." she whispers softly, letting go of his arm. "Now go calm McGee down." her eyes shift towards the door.

"I'll meet you at the aisle." he calls out before closing the door.

Abby gets up and turns herself fully around as soon as he leaves. She faces Ziva, a worried look on her face. "I thought you were going to tell him."

She sighs, taking Abby's hands in her own, squeezing them tightly. "This is your and McGee's day. And you should enjoy it. I am not going to cause a stirdown today."

"Stirrup." she corrects with a smile. "Fine. But tomorrow?"

"Perhaps."

"No." Abby's voice is sharper than she expected. "Tomorrow. Thats an order. Or I'll get Gibbs involved." she warns.

"You would never." Ziva presses, eyes thin and sharp.

"Oh, I would." she smiles.

Ziva lets go of her friend's hands when she hears the music begin to play. A devilish smile creeps along her face as she picks up her bouquet of red roses. "I think its time." She hands a different bouquet of all black ones to Abby.

"Shit." she swallows. "I'm getting married."

The bride looks terrified, but Ziva knows she will calm down once their silver-haired fox comes in to give her away.

She rubs her shoulder. "I am going to go, you _relax_. You are doing an amazing thing." she gives her a light peck on the cheek.

Abby nods and smiles as she watches Ziva leave.

She walks out the mahogany door into the simple Maryland chapel, bumping into Gibbs on her way out. He shares a caring look with her, squeezing her hand as he continues into the dressing room to pick up Abby.

Ziva is met with Tony's arm out for her, which she takes ever too easily. "I didn't want to say this in front of Abby, but you look absolutely stunning." he tells her sweetly.

Her her eyes shift to the corner and she gives him a small smile in return.

"Ready to walk down the aisle?" he asks, pushing the door open.

And Ziva pretends she is glad this is a small chapel, and an even smaller ceremony.

* * *

(2 Hours Later; Wedding Reception; Ducky's Backyard)

Abby thanked every god she could think of that today had been a warm summer day. The sun beats softly down upon the reception with a few clouds in the otherwise blue sky. Homemade lanterns and bats hang from the trees and simple dark wooden tables and chairs are scattered around the middle area that has been set up as a small dance floor. The tables are covered in deep, crimson red tables cloths and matching colored bows are tied around the the chairs. As a last minute touch, Ziva had scattered black, lightly glittered rose petals around the white lanterns that held as centerpieces.

Ducky opens up his kitchen to keep the food away from any pesky bugs, birds, or squirrels and his wine cellar to Jethro, and at this point, maybe Tony.

Abby and McGee are on the dance floor, sharing their first slow dance of the evening. They have moved from the position of his hand on her hip and her hand on his shoulder, to both her arms wrapped around his neck and his around her waist. Her head is nestled softly in his neck and he kisses her temple.

"You look beautiful." he whispers, holding her tighter.

She giggles in his neck, sending a ripple of goosebumps up to his ear.

"I feel like you're trying to earn brownie points."

He laughs. "And why would you think that?"

"Because thats the sixth time you've told me that today. And yes, six is accurate. I've been counting."

She picks her head up from his shoulder as the music fades. A light applause comes from the audience. Tim holds her head in his hands and looks at her lovingly. His eyes melt into hers and she remembers why she's doing this. He kisses her passionately, feeling her smile on his lips.

As the next slow song comes on, a few more couples join them on the dance floor. Abby assumes her position wrapped around her husband, resting her chin on his shoulder.

"Thanks again for doing this." he whispers softly.

Her eyes move to the table where Tim's mother is seated. She's fragile nowadays, and a lot weaker and shyer. The chemo had done had taken her hair, but the wig that was donated by a friend looked quite natural. Despite her weight loss and much more pale appearance, she tries her best to look good today, and Abby thinks she looks amazing.

"The look on your mom's face is totally worth it." she meets his face a brushes a tear from his face. Neither can tell whether its a sad or joyful tear.

The circumstance surrounding their wedding were fragile. They had been together almost two years before McGee's mother was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer 4 months ago. With Sarah having surprised the family (and herself) and delivered a baby boy with her on again, off again boyfriend, Mrs. McGee had fulfilled one of her two dreams that she wanted to live to see. The first being living to meet her first grandchild, and the second to see the man or woman at least one of her kids would spend the rest of their life with.

McGee had brought this up to Abby one night as she held him, trembling. But he had never meant it as a suggestion, or even put the slightest amount of pressure. She had brought it up a few days later, with a few conditions of course.

She figured McGee was the man she wanted to be with for the rest of her life, whether they were husband and wife or best friends. She knew Tim was the man she always wanted in her life.

They opted for an open marriage, even though they were together. Abby just hated commitment, so he wanted to make sure that she didn't feel completely committed to him, although as of now, she only wanted to be committed to him.

"Your mom seems to be having fun too." he smiles, motioning behind her.

She turns her head to find Gibbs and her mom dancing. Gibbs had cracked a grin and her mom is smiling the widest Abby has seen her smile in a long time. It makes her burst into chuckles.

"Kinda wish my dad were here." she admits solemnly.

He pulls her in tighter. "If he were here, he'd say the same thing I've been telling you all day." he looks right into her hazel eyes. Taking a breath, he lets go of her and signs: _You are beautiful. I love you._

She puts a hand up to her heart and smiles "You're so cliche." She then signs back _I love you._

_..._

"Come on, you gotta to give me at least one dance."

Ziva looks up from her cheese and crackers to find Tony's hand extended towards her. She crosses her arms in front of her chest instinctively. She meets his eyes slowly and a smile forms on her face.

Though reluctant, she eventually takes his hand.

He kisses it gently and she gives him a strange look. "I think you've been soaking too much rays in."

Tony laughs. "Soaking in too many rays?"

"Exactly."

His right hand intertwines with her left hand, while his left hand lingers on her waist and her right hand is on his shoulder. They are close, but it seems every time he moves even an inch closer to her, she subtly moves back.

"This kinda reminds me of prom." he earns a laugh from her.

She has watched enough John Hughes movies with him to know how an American prom went.

"Ashley Gregory." he reminisces aloud. "Cept she wasn't nearly as beautiful as you."

Beautiful.

Not pretty, not sexy, not balmy.

Beautiful.

A smile tugs at her lips.

"You're pretty quiet."

She shrugs.

"Last time we were this close you weren't so quiet." Tony teases.

Her eyes open wide. "Tony!" she says quietly, but there is surprise in her voice. She definitely hadn't expected that.

"Oh, come on, I'm just having some fun." he quickly wraps his arms around her waist and pulls her in and by the time she pushes back, his confused and surprised expression has told her its already too late.

She pauses, her worried eyes meeting his innocent ones. Taking a breath, she does not even flinch when he pinches the material hanging by her hips and slowly presses it against her stomach. He lets go of the fabric as soon as he sees the small, but defined stomach.

He laughs, but he doesn't know why.

Her mouth tastes like pennies.

"Can ninja's even gain that much weight?"

"Tony..." she pulls him over to a table, sitting down and making him sit down next to her. She faces him, hand in hand.

"Tony..." she tousles her own hair, unsure of what to say. She takes a deep, exhausted breath. She knows he knows what she's going to say, but he's making it hard. And she doesn't know whether he's doing this to torture her or he's genuinely beyond words. "That night..." he knows exactly what she's talking about. And she's only bring it up to avoid him wondering for even a second who the father is. "I got pregnant.

It seems like hours before either of them had taken a breath. Tony heard no music. Ziva only felt Abby and McGee's eyes taking turns watching them.

He swallows hard and avoids eye contact for a few minutes. "You're..._pregnant_? Like with my kid?"

She nods.

He takes a sharp breath inward, rubbing his face harshly.

"I'm sorry." But its sounds more like a question than a statement.

"I'm keeping the baby." She makes the extra effort to not call the baby _it_.

"Wow." He can no longer tell his words apart from his thoughts. He mumbles something inaudible.

"This is why I avoided telling you this today. I just want to enjoy the rest of the night." she places her hand on top of his. "I have accepted this already." she smiles softly. "I think I may want this." She finds herself a bit frazzled by her own statement.

"I'll let this settle. But you are an adult. And we are in an adult situation." her voice tightens. "And frankly...I cannot do this alone."

Her eyes meet his and he is surprised by the fear he finds in them.

* * *

**So?**

**Suppoer long right? Jah, I know. Almost 3000 words. Shit...**

**Next chapter should be up soon, but I have to do my brother's science fair project this weekend so I'm not sure if I'll have so much time, but I'm going to try. I'm liking this story. And I also wanna work on Healing is a Process for you guys.**

**Review?**


	2. A Sonogram

**This chapter is for Megan (marshmeg)**

* * *

After dropping the newly weds off at the Hotel they had over night reservations to, and throwing a box of condoms at McGee, Tony drove straight to Ziva's apartment.

His mind is racing with thoughts as he comes to a stop at the stairs of her apartment and practically bounces out of his car and heads for the stairs, not caring that he had double parked.

Taking the steps two-by-two he makes it up to her apartment faster than planned and by the time he's knocked on the door he realizes he doesn't know what he's going to say when she opens up. And as luck would have it, she opens almost immediately.

"Tony." she states with surprise, although a microscopic smile is evident on her lips. She steps out of her apartment, dressed only in gray women's boxer shorts and a loose, mint green hoodie, and closes the door behind her.

"You hiding something in there?" he asks, half suspicious, half joking.

She shakes her head. "No, it is just that last time we were in my door way..." her voice trails off as she looks down at her stomach. Although the shirt is loose, he can still see the defined bump of, he gulps, _their baby_.

He laughs awkwardly, but his face turns serious quickly; it almost scares her, yet its somewhat humorous.

"We're you going to tell me?"

She glances down at her bare feet just inches from the Italian leather shoes he hasn't taken off since the wedding. Her eyes meet his. Her hair is damp and her face is rid of any makeup. She nods. "Of course." There is a comforting confidence in her voice. "I just thought it would be better to tell you in person rather over a machine." She skips over the part where she had been denying the pregnancy for almost 4 months.

"Should we...talk about this or something?" he rubs the back of his neck. It takes a few solid seconds for the entire sentence to leave his mouth.

She smiles. "Stay here." without turning around, she quickly opens the door and walks in, closing it behind her, leaving Tony quite dumbfounded.

She is back in front of him almost as quickly as she left. The only difference being the silver frame she holds in her hand; the picture is not yet visible to him. "I went for a sonogram last month." she turns the frame over, handing it to him.

He takes is cautiously, but before he looks at it he looks up at her, his surprised chuckle meeting her fragile smile.

Tony looks back down.

A white blob floats perfectly in the middle of the otherwise static black background. As he keeps blinking, he can make out the bigger portion of the blog as a head. He chuckles again.

Ziva watches peacefully as he continues to examine the photo, a smile plastered on his face.

"This..." he points to the unborn baby. "This is my kid?"

"_Our_ kid." she corrects with a smirk. "You can keep that." she motions towards the frame in his hands.

He doesn't lift his eyes from the photo, he's still mesmerized by their unborn baby. "You sure?"

"I have another hanging on the fridge, that one was for you anyway."

He keeps his stare locked in on the picture for another moment until a small wave of frustration and confusion crosses his face.

"So..uh..." he finally looks up from the photo. "_What now_?"

* * *

**Short chapter, I know. And I also realize I ended it on a House reference. But I'm tired and I felt like this was a good spot to leave it off on. Next chapter will be longer and better. I promise.**

**But still, review, please. Tell me how this is going, anything specific that you see or like, I'm a sucker for details and I try to put as many of them in my story and this is just turing into a never ending rant.**

**Okay, review, love you, bye. **


	3. A Lost Mind

"_Now_...we go to bed."

He gives her a devilish smile.

"_Separate_ beds." she clears.

He chuckles.

"You have a place to stay?" she asks.

"McGee's place. I'm watching the mutt."

His eyes move downwards; his face scrunches up in conflict.

"I have a flight back to Rota in the morning."

"You should take it." It scares him how fast she answers, as if she has planned this entire conversation.

He looks up at her with some concern and more confusion. Thankfully, she answers his unasked question immediately. "We have five months to figure all this out. Just go back to work, we have time." she says solemnly.

Truth is, he doesn't want to leave. He isn't exactly sure why he left in the first place. He liked it in the beginning, having his own team, being in charge. And yea, he missed them, a lot. But his therapist said the change of scenery was good, and so was the pay. And he was pretty sure his therapist wouldn't approve of him sleeping with his partner the night before he left.

Now that Ziva was pregnant, Tony had been thinking, granted he was only told he was going to be a father a few hours ago. Nonetheless, his job and location had definitely taken a toll on his mind.

"You told Gibbs didn't you?" he asks abruptly.

She nods. "Why?"

"He was lookin at me funny tonight. And real quite too. Okay, I guess that last one isn't much of a surprise."

"He misses you." she smiles. "Plus, it is not easy for him to adjust to Agent Dallas."

"I miss you guys too." he avoids her eyes.

She twitches a smile. "Goodnight Tony."

"Night." he reaches out his hand, hesitantly. Ziva takes his wrist, bringing his hand to her stomach. She presses his index finger down on the top right of her stomach. There is no movement, but just knowing that he's only a stomach away from his baby is comforting enough, especially with the events of tonight, any movement from their baby would make this even more real. And he's had enough real for today.

* * *

(Same Night; Gibbs' Basement)

"I got myself into one hell of a situation didn't I boss?" he takes a swing of bourbon.

"I'll drink to that." Gibbs mirrors Tony's actions and takes a long sip. The bourbon doesn't even sting anymore.

"Ziva told me I should take that flight home." he sounds stressed.

"No, that flight's not going home." he corrects him.

Tony laughs mirthlessly. "I don't know what to do boss. The only movies I can think of are those stupid, unrealistic romantic comedies. I always thought my life was gunna play out more like an Oscar nominated film...maybe even an Oscar winning. Something with Robert Dinero definitely." he takes another long sip. "Not knocking up my partner and moving to Spain."

Gibbs takes a seat on his work bench, discarding the already loose tie over a beam of wood next to him.

"Maybe this is good. Maybe I'll end up with a good kid. Kids are cool, most of the time." he shakes his head. "Hell, who am I kidding. I'm gunna suck. I should just stay in Rota." Gibbs sighs, knowing the alcohol's finally taking its toll on him. "No, no. I can't do that to Ziva." He pauses. "Fuck." Ziva. All the alcohol in the world couldn't help him sort out him and Ziva.

"I'm kinda screwed aren't I boss." he moves towards Gibbs' tool box and picks up a hammer.

"You put that hammer anywhere near my boat and you're double screwed."

"I don't know boss...I really don't know."

* * *

**(3 Weeks Later)**

Abby steps out of the bedroom, meeting McGee as he walks in the door. He throws his bag in the couch as she picks hers up.

"You look nice." he says, admiring her black dress and curled pigtails. "You going out?" he gives her a quick kiss before plopping down on the couch.

"Yep. Its Dante's birthday. I'll be back in a few hours."

"Hey." he breathes, taking her hand. She turns around and meets his smile with one of her own. He laughs as she falls into his lap. Fidgeting with her fingers, he frowns. "You're not wearing you're ring."

She lifts a chain from her neck, revealing the black diamond ring hanging from it. "You're borderline suffocating." she sings.

He sighs, closing his eyes in a huff. His forehead presses against her shoulder momentarily before meeting her eyes, giving her an apologetic smile. "I'm sorry. Just a little stressed. Triple homicide and with Ziva leaving so abruptly..."

"Ziva?" he sense the immediate panic in her voice. "Where did she go?" her body stiffens against his.

"She didn't tell you?"


	4. A Kick

**(NCIS, Rota, Spain Office)**

She stares at him, long and hard from her desk, arms folded tightly across her chest and blonde hair held even tighter in her high ponytail.

Special Agent Diaz doesn't unlock his stare from his boss' desk as he talks to his partner.

"No me mire, por favor. I have a wife." his light Spanish accent commands with little emotion. His eyes and mind are too fixated at the moment.

Special Agent Erin Connery snorts. "I will when you do." she pauses, but her eyes don't leave him. "Stop being bitter. He's been an agent longer than you."

"No one knows this team as well as I do." he tightens his jaw, eyes on the desk he craves.

Erin finally takes her eyes off him for a moment, letting the anger and frustrations she has not shown him fill her light green eyes. She glances down at her miniature snow globe of Washinton D.C, her hometown. "Look, you think I wanted a job in Spain? An entire ocean away from everyone I know?" he finally tears his eyes from the empty desk and meets hers. "No. I did not. But I'm here. And I have been for 3 years." She's beyond angry now, having dealt with his whining for almost 4 months now. "You didn't get your promotion." Her voice is stern and sharp. "Get. Over. It."

He looks at her with intense eyes. They each hold their stare, determined to not let go before the other.

Tony's desk phone rings. And Ramon's eyes flicker over to the desk he envied. Erin smirks, turning on her heel and sitting back at her desk.

It rings once again.

In one movement Agent Diaz is out of his chair and two strides away from his desk. His hand hovers over the phone for a minute, feeling Erin's amused stare as she watches him, elbows hard on his desk and head resting on her knuckles.

He picks it up and answers in his most official tone. "_Special Agent Diaz_." Erin rolls her eyes. "He is not here right now...yes..." his tone takes a surprised one. "Oh! Is she?...Well have an agent escort her up."

His eyes wander towards his partners, a devilish smile caught on his lips. "Who is here?" she asks curiously.

"Dinozzo's baby mama."

"Agent David flew in? We don't have a case."

"I guess its a personal call."

She watches him as he sits at his desk, surprisingly content. "You are enjoying his conflict."

He shrugs. "Un poco."

"Although I don't know why you see it as a problem. I think its great that he's being responsible. Its a good _leader _quality." He gives her a sharp look.

He puts on a sarcastic smile.

After a moment Erin feels a presence behind her, Ramon's eyes have already wandered to Ziva.

Ziva smiles, rubbing a hand softly over her stomach, which is quite bigger than it was at the weddings. She's ditched her baggy shirts for actual maternity clothes and her burgundy tee and brown dress pants flatter her stomach. "Hello." she greets kindly, eyes moving from Erin to Ramon.

Erin stands up, reaching her hand outward. Ziva shakes it politely. "I'm Special Agent Connery, you must be Ziva." she smiles.

"Yes and you are Tony's coworkers?" Erin watches as Ziva looks towards Tony's desk and catches a peak at his wall. In the middle of the multiple pictures of Abby, McGee, and herself is a copy of the sonogram she gave him; it captivates her.

Erin nods. "Thats Agent Diaz." she motions over to Ramon. He gives Ziva a charming smile. It reminds her a bit of Tony's.

"Is, um..." Before Ziva can finish her sentence Tony is rounding his desk.

He stops short, almost tripping over himself as he sees his old partner carrying their unborn child standing in the middle of his new bullpen. "Ziva." his shock quickly grows into a smile.

She, on the other hand already has a smile sitting comfortably on her face.

"What are you doing here?" he sounds more relieved than shocked. But worry crosses his face. "Is everything okay?" he walks closer to her.

"The baby, she started kicking." she shines an outstanding smile. He's never seen a smile so radiant on her face and the fact that he contributed to putting that smile there is something he's definitely happy about.

He's still a little surprised and dazed by her appearance and this whole 'fatherhood' concept was also still fresh in his mind. He watched for for a moment, thinking of nothing but that beautiful smile.

Suddenly, like a light had just been turned on, Tony reacts. His face relaxes, but tenses right back up. "Is that bad?"

He hears a light scoff from Erin.

"No." Ziva chuckles. "You can feel her moving." She rubs her hands lovingly over her stomach. "Well not now, but she was moving a lot on the plane."

Tony smiles, breathing out a laugh as well. "You flew all the way across the Atlantic because she was kicking." He's genuinely touched by the gesture.

"Well she has never moved before." He loves hearing the excitement in her voice. "It just...startled me. I just got so caught up in the moment...and bought a plane ticket. You are the father, it is only fair." She would never tell him how much she just missed seeing his face and touching his arms and how this was just a convient excuse.

"Come on." he smiles, motioning for her to follow him. "I'll take you over to my place, you can have some real food."

"I am only here for a day or so. I left in such a rush I just used a sick day."

He nods and enters the elevator, she follows, standing right next to him, shoulder to shoulder.

"Did you say_ she_?"

"She who?"

"The baby."

"She the baby?"

"Yea, you said '_she's_ kicking'."

"Oh." she shakes her head. "It has not been confirmed exactly. But I have a feeling." she smirks.

Tony smiles. "_She_." he whispers to himself.

* * *

**(Tony's apartment)**

"That was quick." Ziva comments as they get out of the white jeep.

"Sort notice, bought the first place with a bedroom."

Ziva takes in the warm Spain air, the smell of sea salt and pomegranates fills her nostrils. She rubs her stomach absently.

Tony starts telling her about the neighborhood and the characters that fill it. But she's only half listening, catching a name and a laugh here and there.

His apartment building smells quite differently; the air is thick and smells of damp bread. There is paint chipping off every wall and she can see the ceiling rid with water damage stains. She's seen worse, no doubt in that, but she can't help but think about how miserable it must be to adjust from his luxury condo in DC to this.

He takes a key from his pocket and quickly unlocks the door, pushing it open and holding his arms out in a ta-da motion. "Welcome to casa de DiNozzo."

She smirks, her eyes catching his, letting herself in.

The first and only thing her eyes have locked onto is the pile of stuffed animals next the couch. She wanders over towards them, glancing quickly at the picture frame she gave him a few weeks ago.

Picking up a small, brown teddy bear with a red bow, she stroke the top of its head. "Shipping binge?"

"Spree." he corrects. "Uh, yea," he rubs the back of his neck. "Just some stuff, for the baby."

She's beyond touched at his attempt at fatherhood. He's determined to be better than his dad, to be better than his dad's dad. And if there is one thing about Tony that Ziva admires, its his strong will and determination. When he has his mind set on something, fate has already been made.

She picks up an orange and yellow knit blanket. "Are these knitting classes scoring you any hot dates?" she teases.

He laughs. "Rosa from down the hall gave that to me. All that woman does is knit and nap."

Ziva, bear still in hand, wanders over to Tony, standing dangerously close. He has a hint of a smile to match her smirk. "You are going to be a great father. Better than both of ours combined."

"How do you know for sure?" he asks, voice empty, almost cracking at the last syllable.

She pauses, giving him a soft look of deep respect and kindness. "Because I have faith in you...in us."

She puts a hand on her stomach, laughing in relief. "She's kicking." In the next instant her hands around on top of his, guiding them to her hip where the kicks are the strongest. "Feel that?"

He swallows, feeling a soft pressure coming from inside Ziva's stomach. She intertwines her fingers in his. "See." she meets his eyes for a moment. "She knows its you."

Tony exhales a laugh. "She's got her mom's ninja kick." his voice is a bit shaky.

He can feel his baby now; she's moving, she's alive, and she, and everything else, is real. And he's never felt so overwhelmed and terrified at the same time.

* * *

**So?**

**Like?**

**Review?**

**Errors are mine. Its 1 am here and I really wanted to get this out. And I know the dialogue is a bit awkward at the moment. It'll get better soon, I'm sorry.**

**I think theres some McAbby next chapter. **

**Oh, and just cause I'm having refer to the baby as she, doesn't mean I've decided yet. My parents called my brother she until he was born and came out with a penis. **


	5. A Home

"I could just stay here in Rota..." she hides a smile under her sarcastic tone.

Tony shakes his head, a knowing smile on his face as well. "No way." he looks around the apartment, his eyes catching the doorless doorframe that leads to his water-damaged-ceiling bedroom. "I am not raising a kid here." The words seem odd and foreign to his tongue.

Ziva pulls the blanket from underneath the pillow on her side while Tony does the same.

"Plus," he adds, his voice much softer and serious. "You've worked to hard to build your life in America. I'm not taking you outta there."

Even though he only glances at her, her own eyes linger on his face long after his eyes have left her. He regrets not looking up again to see her small smile, because it really is beautiful.

"And the bagels here suck."

Her smile lets go a quite laugh as she sits on the bed next to him. "You could try getting your position back on the team." she offers.

"Yea, I've got about a slim to none chance on that every happening." he says with a huff, slumping down deeper into the pillows.

Ziva sits herself up more and places her hands gingerly over her stomach. He's right, and she knows it. It was both a miracle and surprise Leon re-offered him the job. And although at first he was again siding with not taking the job, a short pep talk from Gibbs ended with a smiling Tony walking out of the elevator. Even though the only words Gibbs said were "I'm proud." and "You're ready.". Tony felt like a million bucks walking back into Vance's office.

Yes, he was sad to leave, if he could he'd take everyone with him in a heart beat, or ask for a team here in the states, but that was one negotiation he didn't wanna make with Leon. The pay was better but the job was tough and he knew this would be a hell of a lot easier with the team, but what was done was done. It was a new chapter in his life.

Now sleeping with Ziva, that was one thing he didn't regret. If he could go back and do it all over again, he wouldn't change a thing. Except for maybe the rain in the morning. Yea, waking up to the miserable downpour on Washington DC was the only thing he change. It was the same rain that soaked his hair and jacket as he arrived at the airport. And the same raindrops he watched gradually slide down the window of the plane.

"What are we going to do then?" she asks.

"I don't know." he answers glumly.

In the past, things always had a way of fitting back into place. They'd both been back from the dead, torn apart and brought back together. Even at the harshest of times and their deadliest fights, they were always sitting across from each other by summer's end.

Maybe the universe would help them out once again. Or maybe they had used up their time. Maybe the universe didn't plan for this to happen. They threw it off completely and fate's put them on their own this time.

Truthfully, neither of them thought they could do this without a helping hand from fate.

She looks at him sadly. He's on the left side of the bed, one hand under the pillow, the other under his cheek, facing her. He's tired and his eyes have already closed and are ready to stay like that. She lays down herself, on her left side, facing him.

Before her own eyes close she pulls the blanket further up his body, brushing his shoulder with her hand.

* * *

He's stirring in his sleep and his movement wakes her up.

Before she can process the time, she feels his strong hand placed lazily over her stomach.

She can feel the baby move around softly and smiles.

Her simple bliss is short lived at the sound of his loud snore.

* * *

Abby walks in the apartment, setting the keys down on the counter.

TIm picks them up before she has time to take off her coat.

She spins around, meeting his worried face.

"Whats wrong? Did Ziva call?" She not prepared for bad news.

He takes a breath, grabbing a coat from the closet. "No. Sarah did." he says sadly.

Abby's heart drops; she feels Jethro's hair between her fingertips and absently scratches his head.

"They just admitted my mom to the hospital..." his face falls. "Permanently."

* * *

**Insanely short chapter, I know. Sorry. But I'm really, really busy and I know thats no excuse but I've really, really been trying.**

**If we're lucky, the next chapter will be long.**

**Oh, spoiler alert: Another pretty big and cliche cliffhanger coming your way soon for this story.**


	6. A Life

**(Georgetown University Hospital)**

Tim's right leg bounces off its toes rapidly.

He and his father sit by his sleeping mother's bed side. Mr McGee sits on a chair next to the bed, holding his wife's hand gently. His eyes are sunk in with sadness and his heavy wrinkles pull his face down into a worried frown. He wears an old navy blue ball cap over his grey hair and Tim can tell he's whispering a few prayers under his breath.

Abby comes in the hospital room, two cups of coffee in hand. She hands one over to the elder McGee who simply puts it on the side table without taking a sip. She rubs a hand comfortingly over her father's-in-law back before sitting next to Tim.

Handing him his coffee, she notices his leg has stopped bouncing when she sat down.

"You don't have to be here." he tells her quietly, his eyes not moving from his mother's face.

"I know." she says, just as sadly as she rests her head down on his shoulder.

Sarah had left an hour ago, she couldn't find a babysitter that would work past eleven on a Sunday and John, her boyfriend and father of her son, was working overtime until she could find a better job.

She didn't want her son to be here anyway, at least not right now. Her mother was pale and frail. Her small wrinkles looked even deeper under the hospital lighting. Her usual red lipstick coated lips were now thin and pale pink. The hospital staff has taken off the wig she usually wore and replaced it with a purple, flowered bandana; lilacs, her favorite.

Tim concentrated on the beeps and whirls of the machines. Soon, he found that Abby's absent traces of a circles on his knee synced with the beeps. Every time Abby's finger reached the top of the circle, closets to his knee, the machine beeped.

Abby continues to rest on her husband's shoulder, tracing circles on his knees or fiddling with the ring on her necklace. And just knowing that she's there, awake with him, keeps him breathing.

* * *

**(Rota)**

"I'll try to be up for Christmas." he twitches a smile, laying down one of her bags next to her.

She nods, standing in front of the gate, one hand on her stomach, the other holding the handle of her suitcase. "I will...email you next week's sonogram pictures."

Ziva reaches out and takes his hand in hers, rubbing his knuckles momentarily before lifting it up to her stomach.

Tony looks down at her hand on top of his on top of their unborn baby, and smiles.

"We will work this out, all of it." she assures him with a small smile.

She turns and heads to board her flight back to their home.

* * *

**(2 weeks later)**

Ziva sits and watches Tony peacefully.

She's placed herself contently in the last row of the theater seating in MTAC while Tony's face appears on the screen, discussing a intertwined case and cracking a small joke or two.

He doesn't see her throughout their conversation. The lighting is poor and it doesn't help that Ziva is lurking in the shadows back in that last row. She doesn't make a sound, and is touched when he asks Gibbs how Ziva is.

He shoots him a small smile and turns around, making his way out, he calls over the only techie in their with a stern whistle and the young man follows Gibbs towards the door. "You've got 5 minutes." he says walking out of MTAC.

Tony is left slightly confused, but only for a moment because Ziva knows thats her cue.

She lifts herself out of the seat and down the few stairs onto of the main floor, completely visible to Tony.

"You've been there the whole time?" he asks.

"I have been taking a few lessons from Gibbs." she jokes with a small smile.

He misses her face, her expressions and right now he has this insane urge to just reach out and touch her hair. But he fools with his pen instead.

"What's going on?" he asks curiously.

"Um...I thought you may want to see this." she walks over to the computer and opens up the DVD McGee had set up for this.

Almost immediately, on the corner of the screen, is a baby; their baby. In all its black, white, and fuzzy glory. But its not just a picture, which Tony soon realizes. Because there's a small box in the corner that shows something he does not recognize at first opening and closing.

She turns the volume up.

It sounds like the steady beat of a drum.

And thats when it hits him.

Its _their_ baby's heartbeat.

But he feels like he needs to ask anyway. He needs to hear it from her.

"Is that...?" he's too pulled into the steady beat to finish his sentence.

"Her heartbeat." she confirms.

He continues to watch the black and white fuzz move its legs a bit and listen to the soothing heartbeat.

It turns completely real for Tony Dinozzo now. He's halfway around the world and itching to get out of that cold metal seat, but it hits him. Their baby's heartbeat it strong and sturdy, he or she's alive.

He is going to be a father.

* * *

**Next chapter is the cliffhanger I believe. **

**I know its short, but reviews would be awesome. **


	7. A Shock

**(A Few Days Later; McGee and Abby's Apartment)**

Abby plopps down next to her husband. The shift in weight surprises McGee as he jumps out of his unconscious state and looks over to Abby, eyes wide.

"Sorry." she quickly apologizes, with a small smile still noticeable on her face. She lifts her feet up from the floor and lays them across Tim's. "So, how's she doing?" she asks quietly, tapping her fingers softly on his knuckles.

"The same." he responds sadly, sinking deeper into the couch.

He moves his head to look up at the ring that is usually dangling from the necklace but finds her neck bare (besides a black laced choker). "You're not wearing your necklace." he swallows.

She breathes a small laugh. "No, I'm not." she brings her left hand to cup his cheek and he immediately feels a sliver of cold metal pressing against his skin. He takes her hand away from his cheek and inspects her hand, finding the ring on her middle finger. "I thought you noticed. I've been wearing it on my finger for a few days now."

He smiles his first genuine smile in days.

* * *

"Narrow it down yet?"

"Do you want the truth?" Ziva leans forward across her desk, resting her head on her knuckles.

Gibbs nods as he approaches her desk.

"I don't like any of them."

Gibbs rolls his eyes and sighs. "Gotta choose. You got till tomorrow." he makes his way out of the bullpen and hears her huff, but he hardly makes is pass her desk when Vance calls them both. He enters the bullpen and looms over Ziva's desk, watching her with emotionless eyes as Gibbs stands besides Ziva.

"Agent David, pack your bags."

Ziva's eyes immediately shoot to Gibbs in confusion, the back to the director. Gibbs just stares straight at Leon.

"You and I are on the first flight out to Rota."

Ziva rubs her stomach. The baby kicks.

"Agent Dinozzo's been shot."

* * *

**I know, this is possibly the shortest thing I have written, but I have half of the next chapter and am still typing the rest as I speak...erm, type. But yes, I'm sorry, cliffhanger. Don't worry tho. **

**Also, for these reviews that just say "Update Soon!" I appriciate the fondness you have for this story but seriously, the only time I have to write nowadays is at like midnight. So I don't get tot write every night. I'm really trying to finish this story, but I've been so busy with work and school and golf its been a lot. So I know I have to update soon, and I will try my best to do so.**

**Review?**


	8. A Newfound Worth

Ziva sits quietly by the window of the small jet. One hand rubbing over her stomach while the other supporting her head.

Vance sits equally as quiet on a couch behind Ziva's seat. Two chewed toothpicks lay in front of him while he gnaws on the third. Today's newspaper is open in front of him, turned to the sports section.

_'Perfect timing'_ Leon had called it, Tony getting shot at the same time Leon was making his annual rounds to a few of the NCIS offices. That wouldn't have been the first time Ziva wanted to roll her eyes to an authority figure.

The flight dragged on. Vance got an email, informing him that Dinozzo was in recovering, still unconscious, but he had made it out of surgery. It had been a single shot to the abdomen, through and through. And the news of the father of her baby, Tony, just being alive made Ziva finally let go of the breath she seemed to be holding for ages.

They soon land and are greeted by a black car, which drives them immediately to the hospital. The car ride is spent in complete silence. He does however, hand her over his blackberry at one point so she can read the details and reports Tony's agents have of the shooting.

As the car makes a stop, Ziva practically leaps out and Vance tells her he's going to the Rota offices and to keep him updated. Agreeing, she waddles into the hospital and straight to the elevator.

She only needs to go a floor up but she is in no condition, or mood, to take the stairs. As the door opens, she rushes towards the desk and gets a nurse's attention. "Miss, delivery is two floors up." The nurse says, without giving Ziva a moment to speak.

"Oh, no...no, not yet." she gives her a quick smile. "I need Agent Dinozzo's room number." she flashes her badge quickly.

"Ah, Agent Dinozzo, yes he's out of recovery and in room...920, that way." she says pointing to the right.

Ziva darts towards room 920, moving as quickly as her swollen feet will take her.

She bursts open the door with such force that she has to hold herself against the doorframe to keep from falling. He's in bed, alone in the room, wearing nothing but a light blue hospital gown and eating something bright green out of a plastic bowl.

He looks up at her and smiles. "Jello?" he asks with a wide grin, holding up the bowl for her.

She furrows her eyebrows in shock and makes her way towards him with narrow eyes. "Jello?" she spits.

"Yea, gelatin. Oh, come on, tell me they have something like this is Israel." he continues to hold it up for her.

She takes it from him and slams it in the trash next to his bed.

"Hey!" he protests. "Thats no way to treat a wounded man."

"Wounded? I will give you wounded!" she raises her voice and grabs the small stack of files on his bedside table, proceeding to smack his chest playfully with them, but her eyes are burning with anger.

"Ow! Ow!" he shields his face her his arms and uses on hand to smack away at the files.

She stops, but keeps the files tightly in her grip. "What the hell was that for?"

"Getting shot!" she justifies.

"Well I didn't really plan on it!"

"It was stupid."

"I saved someone's life."

"Your witness?" she snorts. "The drug dealer? The one that had a bullet proof vest on?"

"The vest that everyone failed to inform me of." he says sarcastically.

"I am to believe that _no one_ on your team informed you that the witness was wearing a vest?"

"I guess they just assumed."

"Assuming gets you killed."

"I wasn't the one doing the assuming." he volleys.

She takes a deep breath. "You could have died."

"But I didn't."

She smacks him again with the file, lighter this time. "But you _could have_."

Ziva takes another breath and sits by his side. "Tony. You cannot do this; take these extreme risks. We have a baby on the way. A baby that I will not allow to grow up without a father." she takes his hand. "You put the baby's life first, but yours a close second." She gives him a soft smile. "Our lives our worth so much more now."

"I, nor the baby, can risk losing you." she twitches a smile.

"And if my baby grows up without a father I swear I will drag you back up here from hell myself."

"Oh, so now I'm going to hell?" he laughs.

Her smile is even softer now as she lifts up their hands to lay them over her stomach. The baby is kicking softly and Tony taps her stomach lightly with his fingers.

"Hey bud, its all good, daddy's okay." he assures his unborn child. "Don't you worry, I'm not going anywhere. You and your mom are gunna have to put up with me for a_ loooong _time."

And for what may be the first time in Ziva David's life, she could see actually enjoying having Tony stick around for...forever.

* * *

**Better?**

**And bonus points to whoever can figure out the significance of the number 920...or for your European readers it you probably be more like 209.**


	9. A Pep Talk

**Rota Hospital**

"No Dinozzo should be confined to a small space for that long." Tony huffs as he pulls a shirt over his head, wincing in pain when he lifts his arms up too high.

"I think you are confusing yourself with a tiger." Ziva laughs as she folds his hospital gown neatly.

A cheery faced nurse walks in pushing a dark blue wheelchair. "Oh, no, no, no." Tony waves his hands wildly. "I am not being pushed around in one of _those_."

Ziva can't hide her smile.

The nurse keeps her smile. "Hospital policy." her thick accent says as happily as she can, as if her good attitude was contagious and Tony's immune system was shot.

Tony lets out a childish moan, wincing in pain once again. Ziva comes to his side this time, wrapping her arm around his waist to keep him steady. "You need to be more careful. Come on." She guides him towards the wheelchair, helping him sit. "I'll push you." She pats his head before taking the handles and pushing him out of his room.

* * *

**Tony's Apartment**

As Tony slowly sits on the couch, Ziva fixes his pillow and hands him the remote. "I'm good." he assures her. "You should be the one sitting, you're carrying my kid."

"I am fine."

"Can you just make me feel better and sit down?"

"Me sitting down is not going to make you better, but you sitting down is." she walks over to the pile of toys and blankets he bought for the baby, picking up the brown teddy bear with the red bow. She pushes the fur from its black button eyes, smiling.

"How long?" he asks solemnly.

"3 months."

"No. How long till you leave?"

"Oh." she suddenly stopped stroking the stuffed animal. "The director and I leave tonight." She put the bear down softly.

"Take it." he said after a moment, seeing her eyes still lingering on the bear. "It was the first one I bought. You could put it in the nursery."

She smiled, picking it back up and putting it by her bag. "I have not even started on the nursery."

He watched her for another moment as she walked towards him and sat down on the couch beside him. She started to fiddle with her fingers. "Scared?"

"Among other things..." She rubs her hands over her stomach.

* * *

**Airport**

"You know, Rota's not such a bad place."

They sit next to each other in the terminal, waiting for the jet to gas up. "But I would never tear you away from what you worked so hard for." Tony finishes.

Vance walks into eyesight, nodding to Ziva. They both stand up. "You worked hard for this position too, I could never-"

"No, you probably couldn't and don't flatter yourself that much." he smiles playfully. "But she," he taps his pointer finger on her stomach. "Can."

"_She_?"

He shrugs. "I want my baby to be an American dream baby."

Her lips curl upwards. "Goodbye Tony."

"I hate this." he admitted shyly, somewhat by accident.

Her eyes sadden at his words. He looks down at their feet, avoiding her eyes, waiting for her to turn and head towards the jet.

But she doesn't. Instead, she takes his hands in hers, holding them tightly against her stomach. "Family sticks together. Now we are a real family. The moment we conceived her, we became a family, a real family." She takes a deep breath. "We will work it out...we always do." She lets a small smile loose.

With a final squeeze she lets go of his hand and turns around, walking away.

"A plus." he shouts.

She stops and turns, giving him a puzzled look.

"Pep talk. You got an A plus."

* * *

**I know, you hate me. I hate me too. Its been months, maybe even half a year since I've even touched this story or any of my stories and I know I always promise you there will be more, there hardly ever is. But I'm trying, I'm really trying. I'm starting to have more and more motivation to write and I have a few new ideas, but hopefully you'll be seeing more updates from me.**

**-Samm**


	10. A Christmas Tree

**(December)**

"But you're not Catholic." Tim laughs as he hangs up his coat, catching a look at the small, half decorated Christmas tree in Ziva's living room.

He sits down on the couch, bending down to rustle through a cardboard box filled with shiny red and green ornaments at his feet. Ziva passes him and enters the kitchen. "Thats does not mean I have to miss out on all the fun of decorating a tree." She arrives back with three tall glasses of eggnog balancing on a tray she carries. She sets the tray down on the glass coffee table and hands him a glass. "Are you expecting someone else?" He asks, looking at the extra glass.

"No." She says simply. " But _she loves_ eggnog."

He smiles. "Are you supposed to be having eggnog?" he asks curiously, a knowing tone to his voice.

"Do not worry, it is soy. No raw eggs." She takes a long sip. A sudden expression of realization crosses her mind. "How did you know regular eggnog is not good during pregnancy?" She questions, her eyebrow raised with suspicion.

"Health class?" he says after a long pause.

"Lie."

His lips tighten as he watches her watch him. He lets out a heavy sigh. "I just googled some dos and don'ts for pregnancy the other day. Among other things..."

"Do you think you are with child Tim?" She whispers in a serious tone; but cracks a grin.

He gives her a sarcastic smile. "No. I was just curious, you know, just in case."

Ziva's eyes light up with glee. "Are you and Abby thinking about kids?"

Tim lowers his voice. "Not, not exactly. Just, it wouldn't be the worst thing in the world if we had a baby."

She hold his lower arm. "You and Abby will be fantastic parents."

Tim smiles shyly. She gets up and sits herself on the floor, reaching into the box for another ornament. Finding a spot on the tree she hangs it on the branch, she does this twice more before he speaks again. "Do you miss him?"

She sighs. Stopping to admire her work from the floor where she sits, rubbing her stomach. "It is hard." The baby kicks gently. "But I know it is harder for him."

She shakes her head, taking herself out of her trance. He looks down at her, but she's not looking at him, rather at her stomach. "We're gunna get him back."

An absent smile appears on her lips. "I feel like we've had this conversation already."

He breathes a laugh.

"Come here." she pulls his shirt sleeve down towards her. He slides off the couch, sitting Indian style next to her. "She's kicking." Ziva takes his hand, bring it to the side of her stomach where the baby's feet push against its mother's womb.

Tim is startled for a second at the sudden movement, but warms up to the feeling. The corners of his lips pulls upward as the baby continues to kick. "I think she likes you." He continues to marvel at the movement. "Try talking to her." Ziva suggests.

He gives her an odd look. "She likes it when I sing..."

"I think I'll just stick with talking." He twists his mouth from side to side. Then, with Ziva's hand still lightly on his, he crouches his head towards her stomach. He looks up at her with questioning eyes. "You're not gunna tell Dinozzo about this are you?"

"My lips are zipped."

With a heavy sigh his eyes level back with her stomach. "Um, hi baby. It's uh, your uncle Tim...I just wanted to say that I'm glad you're gunna be sticking around. Don't tell your dad this, but I kinda miss him. And I maybe we weren't reason enough for him to stick around, but I know you will be." Ziva takes a thoughtful breath. "So...thanks. And um, I can't wait to see you. And don't get me started on your Aunt Abby, she's already planning your sixteenth birthday."

Tim inhales deeply, but doesn't let out a sigh like he had intended. Instead another smile crosses his face. And before he can shift back up to the couch, Ziva's hand moves to his arm. "Tony didn't leave because he had no reason to stay. He left because he figured if he had worked hard his whole life, he might as well have something to show for it. He wanted his own team, he wanted to be a leader."

"But he got a family instead." McGee finished.

"He's always had this family. He just needed to rediscover and expand it." She lets go of his arm, allowing him to sink back into his position on the couch, taking a long sip of eggnog.

"Has Abby really already planned her sixteenth birthday?"

"Oh, yeah. And wedding."

* * *

**I changed the time of this story. So the wedding was set in summer. I changed a few words here and there, but its nothing to have to go back and read anything for. **

**I'm getting back into the swing of this whole writing thing and I know I say that a hundred times but I'm a mess. **


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